Take a deep breath.

One word : huh?
Mood : a mix of :) and perplexity.

Speaking Up

I think 70% of arguements, or conflicts are easily resolved by just speaking up. I think it's also one of the hardest things to do. Imagine, stating your side of the story, while repressing any negative feelings towards the person you're pissed with. That's gotta take a huge amount of control not to scream or be sarcastic in that person's face.

I guess the next best thing is waiting for a while, or just telling that person how you feel at a later time. And then everyone will be happier i suppose.

My mood right now : ARGH

But it's not because of what i've just said about speaking up. It's because of work that HAS to come up at the end of the day, just when i'm about to leave. Oh well.

Patience.

It is a virtue i need to keep building up.

There has been friction lately, and i don't know if the problem is me.
And sometimes i just wish i could disappear all of a sudden. Poof.

Thought for the day

This came to me when i woke up this morning :

Christianity isn't so much the forgiveness of sin, but the denial of it.

Sometimes i don't think it is really about God forgiving our sins , but a reminder of everything wrong that i do; each wrong choice, each wrong word, the wrong occupation etc. I don't need to go to church to tell me i'm a sinner. I feel that all the time. I want to go to church, so i can learn a thing or two about God. I want to learn something different. I don't want to sit in a message that preaches about something that i can just read at home.

Between a rock and a high place

I've been thinking a lot on how i would run a production company if i had one.

In that optimistic day-dreaming mind, i picture myself taking on projects, and getting friends to crew, just so they would have more jobs. I picture being able to pay them realistically ( and perhaps more than usual once in a while) and paying them on time, perhaps 2 weeks after the shoot, or even immediately after. This dream would only work if i had plenty of cash to start with. Surely a huge pool of funds is needed in order to not only pay off your crew, but also your rent, bills, transport, post-pro and any contract staff you might have. I'm sure alot of other costs are not included as well.

I used to think that production companies should have some back-up funds, just in case money from the clients don't come in on time so they can use that resource to pay the freelance crew. But when a colleague pointed out that it wasn't so simple, i began to re-think my perception on the few bigger production houses here. I've learnt that every house (pun intended) has it's problems. ( wait, is that translated from the chinese proverb?) No matter how reknowned and reputable you are, there's always a problem there somewhere. I feel while it's hard getting a good reputation as a production company, it's harder keeping up appearances. Everything you do, will be picked at, because everyone's watching. All it takes is for word to get around, and it's enough to make you have to build up your rep, all over again.

I've learnt alot from my job so far, and i must say, i really respect some of the people i work with. Their tolerance level is just amazing, and i'm sure it has a lot to do with all the productions/ projects they've worked on over the years. Most of them hadn't gone over to the 'dark side' of production yet. I must say, there's alot to think of when you run a production company, and sometimes, you can't be 'nice' because like a family, you need to think of those under your wing first.

Cute!

Having time on my hands, i was browsing through some pics, and found a cute one of a polar bear.




And another one!



And this cat looks like it's trying to pick its nose with it's tongue! WAHAHAHHAHAHA!

Happy Time with Sweet Pea.

I've finally gotten down to meeting Fatimah and her sweetest pea!


Dear Cutie Aliyah!!

And another good piece of news! Fatimah's expecting! She hopes it's a boy.

I thought that the sweet pea would have forgotten me , but she didn't, and i'm glad. She's a sweet!

And yes, as you can see from the picture, we had MacDonald's for dinner. I don't feel so fantastic after though. Like, i don't think i should even sleep after what i ate. Sigh :(

Cool Tee

Cool tee from Carol!

I can say i'm happy. now.

I feel happy now.

I think it's the knowledge of many things i used to wonder about. I know that God is good to me, in many aspects of my life. I know that it's tough being in a place where you are perceived differently because of the choices you've made, but i think i'll be ok. I've learnt that its difficult to tell the difference between what is right, and what is taught as right. The only being you can only trust is God because He doesn't get influenced.

I used to think that you can see God's love through a person who practises it, but i've learnt that He is the best example of it. I think of all the times He's been patient with me, and forgiving, and how He listens to my prayers still, and doesn't punish me by refusing to listen . That is God's goodness, his patience, his mercy. It's pretty inspiring . God could kill me at any time, perhaps when life's the best for me, or i feel like i'm at my happiest, God could choose to take me away. But He preserves each second of my life, and the next second after the last one has past, because He wants to.

I envy how people can so freely boast of their love for their gf/bfs, and i wonder why i don't. I don't want to boast about it , because love isn't that way. But i'll say it when i really want to. I'm glad i have Ed in my life.

The time is now.

There comes a time where you can't help but wonder if change will happen, whether you are as important as you think you are in your placement in this world, and if you can live with the choices you make.