You were everything i've always wanted. Perfect, dark and images so crisp.
Like sand through the hour glass, so have you slipped out of my hands.
A few weeks back i decided that one of the ways to make money out of my country was to join competitions. Anything that would allow you to win something - Lucky draws especially (to win money or that condo, that holiday trip), NTUC draws that allow you to win vouchers, and competitions, like the Canon S90 one, that allowed you to win that camera. But right now , this second, i'm so damn sad! I wanted to use a pinhole camera that my friend got for me, to take a 'street' photo ( one of the conditions for the competition). You can use any format, any camera, and the best 3 examples of the theme (street) will win. As usual, optimistic (or maybe delusional) me weighed the odds :
Chances of Winning
1) I can use my pin-hole camera cause it's an interesting format!
2) My interesting pin-hole camera! - definately can win by interesting format!
3) Submit by end of Dec! That's enough time for me.
Chances of Not -Winning
1) If i can't get a nice 'street' picture, since it is my first time trying out the camera.
2) If i can't find a beggar sitting/sleeping in CBD area , while working class people walk by . (sure, a cliche shot, but with the pin-hole camera effect, it will be fantastic!)
2) I mix up the deadline and miss submission time.
Results : I mix up the deadline and miss submission time.
I'm so pissed for many reasons, and honestly, was pissed at external factors for not being able to submit in time.
External Factors
1) Being enthusiastic about the competition, but bf not being as enthusiastic
2) Wanting to buy the film, but keep forgetting to/not being able to because bf was not enthusiastic and didn't remind me
3) ATM can't dispense money, so forget to buy film.
I'm sure by now, we all know it's really my fault, i screwed this one up.
Internal Factors
1) I procrastinated. I told myself "Aiyah, enough time, submit end of the month only mah" when the end of the month is tomorrow.
2) I should have just been disciplined and remembered and got the film, take the pictures on my own instead of waiting for company.
3) I'm a big doofus.
When i was pissed, i thought to myself, 'Cannot depend on other people! Only myself!'
But isn't it scarey when 'myself' is the problem to begin with?
Oh well. Time to look for other competitions.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Happy people everywhere
Some time back, when Friendster was 'IT' website that people logged on to, it always bummed me whenever i read an ex-classmate's profile, on how successful his/her life is. For this particular friend of mine, there would be photos posted of the places she'd visted on her high flying job. There would be other profiles and pictures of other designer friends, who finally 'made' it in the industry (one of the lucky ones that everyone else envied), and i would look at my own accomplishments and wonder if i was ever cut out to be in the creative line at all.
Now with Facebook, it seems, it might be a little worst. Now , not only are there pictures, but it's the constant updating of status in real time. Everyone can see almost anyone's pictures, notes/blog and even what they are thinking that very second ( or two hours ago). You can see how this friend has experimented and made great pancakes at the end of it, and enjoyed it with her husband, you can see the preparations of another's wedding, the recent trip of another (including tags of every single person that was there); you see how everyone is happy, and they are everywhere. Everyone is happy except you.
I would like to blame these 'ill feelings' on that time of the month approaching soon. Perhaps i'll be happier tomorrow. Or in a week.
Now with Facebook, it seems, it might be a little worst. Now , not only are there pictures, but it's the constant updating of status in real time. Everyone can see almost anyone's pictures, notes/blog and even what they are thinking that very second ( or two hours ago). You can see how this friend has experimented and made great pancakes at the end of it, and enjoyed it with her husband, you can see the preparations of another's wedding, the recent trip of another (including tags of every single person that was there); you see how everyone is happy, and they are everywhere. Everyone is happy except you.
I would like to blame these 'ill feelings' on that time of the month approaching soon. Perhaps i'll be happier tomorrow. Or in a week.
Monday, November 02, 2009
Copy Cat
Today i was reminded of yet again, an issue i have a problem with. This is something i tuck right at the back of my heart, not thinking about it. It is like the roll of super 8 film you have to send overseas to develop, cause it can't be done locally ( you just DREAD having to go through all that trouble)
There's this person i work with, and she's a nice person, great friend and all, but i sense there's this 'competition' she seems to be having with me. You know how sometimes there's even some competition between best friends? Like if you both get the same outfit you need to wear it first before the other person does? Well, in this case, this friend of mine, i believe thinks i'm copying her.
I mean, call me paranoid, (and i probably am in this case), but first it was that reusable bag that's selling everywhere these days. You know the kind, you can roll it up, and put it in your bag, and then take it out when you go grocery shopping. Well, she was the first to start that trend at the office i guess, and then when i got mine ( which was given to me by my bf's mum) and used it at work, i could almost feel her evil eye on the back of my head, to the point where i would try not to use that bag , whenever she's around.
And then, there's this Nokia phone, that i was considering getting the beginning of the year. I had a hard time deciding between that phone, and this other one (which i eventually got). Right after i decided that i wasn't going to get the Nokia one, even though i reallllly liked it, that person got it. And she talked about it, and showed it off as if she didn't know i wanted it too.
Now, there's the iPhone. My bf has it, everyone in his circle has it, and i'm so tempted to get it. He wanted to get it for me because he thinks that we can 'ping' each other for free, just like how Blackberry users can text each other for free, even when they are overseas. Well, that would be a good way to save money. Well, i of course mentioned it to that person, and my other close friends , and lo and behold, she traded her phone in for the iPhone! So now as i was just thinking out loud about the phone just trying to get stats and all, and just asked her abit about hers, she starts to tell me the negatives of the iPhone and that i should reconsider getting it. It just makes me feel so..... ARGH. Like, if she ever reads this post, here's what i want to say to her : Get a LIFE. As much as you think i'm following you, i'm not, and everyone else has the right to own a reusable bag, an iPhone, and everything else they want cause there's a whole other universe out there (though you may be the center of yours) that's following the trend.
Ok, i'm sure some of you think i'm nuts , even writing a blog entry about this, but yes, i'm nuts if you think so. Crazy that there's even a COPY CAT issue between friends! We're not in Kindergarten anymore! Give me a break.
p/s: Latest update. Now she thinks i'm copying her abt the Macdonald's Monopoly.
There's this person i work with, and she's a nice person, great friend and all, but i sense there's this 'competition' she seems to be having with me. You know how sometimes there's even some competition between best friends? Like if you both get the same outfit you need to wear it first before the other person does? Well, in this case, this friend of mine, i believe thinks i'm copying her.
I mean, call me paranoid, (and i probably am in this case), but first it was that reusable bag that's selling everywhere these days. You know the kind, you can roll it up, and put it in your bag, and then take it out when you go grocery shopping. Well, she was the first to start that trend at the office i guess, and then when i got mine ( which was given to me by my bf's mum) and used it at work, i could almost feel her evil eye on the back of my head, to the point where i would try not to use that bag , whenever she's around.
And then, there's this Nokia phone, that i was considering getting the beginning of the year. I had a hard time deciding between that phone, and this other one (which i eventually got). Right after i decided that i wasn't going to get the Nokia one, even though i reallllly liked it, that person got it. And she talked about it, and showed it off as if she didn't know i wanted it too.
Now, there's the iPhone. My bf has it, everyone in his circle has it, and i'm so tempted to get it. He wanted to get it for me because he thinks that we can 'ping' each other for free, just like how Blackberry users can text each other for free, even when they are overseas. Well, that would be a good way to save money. Well, i of course mentioned it to that person, and my other close friends , and lo and behold, she traded her phone in for the iPhone! So now as i was just thinking out loud about the phone just trying to get stats and all, and just asked her abit about hers, she starts to tell me the negatives of the iPhone and that i should reconsider getting it. It just makes me feel so..... ARGH. Like, if she ever reads this post, here's what i want to say to her : Get a LIFE. As much as you think i'm following you, i'm not, and everyone else has the right to own a reusable bag, an iPhone, and everything else they want cause there's a whole other universe out there (though you may be the center of yours) that's following the trend.
Ok, i'm sure some of you think i'm nuts , even writing a blog entry about this, but yes, i'm nuts if you think so. Crazy that there's even a COPY CAT issue between friends! We're not in Kindergarten anymore! Give me a break.
p/s: Latest update. Now she thinks i'm copying her abt the Macdonald's Monopoly.
Monday, August 31, 2009
GRRr
I cannot gamble and shouldn't. Cause when i do i get so pissed i lose i feel like smashing things. I guess we all gamble whether we're willing to admit it. We buy a lottery ticket now and then, hoping to be one of the lucky ones (after all, if you don't try, you
don't even have a chance). We wait for that one sms, that special look from someone, and decide, if it happens, he/she must feel the same way too. Is gambling wrong only when it affects everyone around you, or is it just plain wrong?
We can say we gamble with death by trying bungee jumping, but we make the same gamble just by crossing the road to the other side. By taking a plane on a holiday.
But who am i kidding? After all i've said, i'm just really miffed cause i lost 450 odd coins by betting on stupid races in Facebook.
don't even have a chance). We wait for that one sms, that special look from someone, and decide, if it happens, he/she must feel the same way too. Is gambling wrong only when it affects everyone around you, or is it just plain wrong?
We can say we gamble with death by trying bungee jumping, but we make the same gamble just by crossing the road to the other side. By taking a plane on a holiday.
But who am i kidding? After all i've said, i'm just really miffed cause i lost 450 odd coins by betting on stupid races in Facebook.
Friday, June 05, 2009
Belly Fat
My brother said that its ok to not be happy, but one shouldn't be sad because when you feel sad, the body releases a chemical that keeps belly fat.
Man, i must have been feeling sad for a while.
Today, i felt that way especially and angry the moment i walked out of office. I had waited '2 mins' for a friend cause she told me too, only to figure out that she was waiting for her husband to pick her up at the office. I felt pissed cause i felt like i was being taken for granted as usual. Since when did i become 'standby' girl? I'm like the last person anyone wants to meet. I guess everyone else has their own lives to live, and i really have none. Maybe i should just buy myself an oven and bake. Or take part in some course.
And then i got more pissed cause i thought of how i don't see Ed as often as i like. I see everyone else being able to meet their boyfriends, husband, and i'm alone most of the time. I shouldn't be mad cause it's WORK right? And when it's freelance, thats the way it is.
It didn't help that i had this really bad neck/headache at the base of my head from not sleeping well.
Well, at least i got one thing done. I booked the trip! I'm really nervous about it cause i read reviews about the hotel, and i'm hoping it's going to be alright. I hope i didn't get fleeced, but the guy that served me seemed really sincere and nice about it. Now i just want to pray that God helps me get almost all the work done. That same FRIEND of mine said she was going to help me, but she really just wasted my time bringing all my heavy files down and hardly getting any work done. I'm never going to listen to her again. I think i'm just too nice or STUPID. Don't know why i even forgive people so much when they're just going to make use of me as usual. On my way home i was thinking , why i planned my life around everyone else. That's the stupidest thing to do. If that's what love for the people around me does, then LOVE is stupid.
I wish for once , i was priority.
Man, i must have been feeling sad for a while.
Today, i felt that way especially and angry the moment i walked out of office. I had waited '2 mins' for a friend cause she told me too, only to figure out that she was waiting for her husband to pick her up at the office. I felt pissed cause i felt like i was being taken for granted as usual. Since when did i become 'standby' girl? I'm like the last person anyone wants to meet. I guess everyone else has their own lives to live, and i really have none. Maybe i should just buy myself an oven and bake. Or take part in some course.
And then i got more pissed cause i thought of how i don't see Ed as often as i like. I see everyone else being able to meet their boyfriends, husband, and i'm alone most of the time. I shouldn't be mad cause it's WORK right? And when it's freelance, thats the way it is.
It didn't help that i had this really bad neck/headache at the base of my head from not sleeping well.
Well, at least i got one thing done. I booked the trip! I'm really nervous about it cause i read reviews about the hotel, and i'm hoping it's going to be alright. I hope i didn't get fleeced, but the guy that served me seemed really sincere and nice about it. Now i just want to pray that God helps me get almost all the work done. That same FRIEND of mine said she was going to help me, but she really just wasted my time bringing all my heavy files down and hardly getting any work done. I'm never going to listen to her again. I think i'm just too nice or STUPID. Don't know why i even forgive people so much when they're just going to make use of me as usual. On my way home i was thinking , why i planned my life around everyone else. That's the stupidest thing to do. If that's what love for the people around me does, then LOVE is stupid.
I wish for once , i was priority.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Waiting.
At some point in our lives, we seem to be waiting for something. Waiting for the bus to come along, waiting for a friend who was supposed to be here 10 mins ago, waiting for the days to pass before that long awaited holiday, waiting for that phone call from someone you really like, waiting for a better job to come along, waiting for something more adventurous in a seemingly stable relationship.
The difference between some of those moments is that , they are most likely to happen. The bus will eventually arrive causing you to be a half hour late, and so will your friend with a reason why he/she was and yes, the days do pass by soon enough and there you are, on a plane to paradise ( at least for the next 3-7 days until work starts again).
The person on the other hand, might never call, it could be another 2 years before the better job appears , or you would have felt it better to stay in the relationship because it is probably the most comfortable, predictable situation in an unpredictable world.
But we all wait, because we expect a form of change in our situation. To be happier, to satisfy our curiosity, to be somewhere else except here. Change will happen , eventually so lets just enjoy the moment right now.
The difference between some of those moments is that , they are most likely to happen. The bus will eventually arrive causing you to be a half hour late, and so will your friend with a reason why he/she was and yes, the days do pass by soon enough and there you are, on a plane to paradise ( at least for the next 3-7 days until work starts again).
The person on the other hand, might never call, it could be another 2 years before the better job appears , or you would have felt it better to stay in the relationship because it is probably the most comfortable, predictable situation in an unpredictable world.
But we all wait, because we expect a form of change in our situation. To be happier, to satisfy our curiosity, to be somewhere else except here. Change will happen , eventually so lets just enjoy the moment right now.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Dinner with Sarah
Here's the first dinner i had with Sarah after her 2nd day of work at Everton Park. When you hear of more and more people being unhappy at work, you can conclude that it's not just you feeling that same way.
Here's some 2 pics from the dinner. Check out the Octopus! It's like it had it's tentacles make a ring around it's eyes saying 'Yooo Hoo!' Now that makes a good meal!
Here's some 2 pics from the dinner. Check out the Octopus! It's like it had it's tentacles make a ring around it's eyes saying 'Yooo Hoo!' Now that makes a good meal!
Things with Ed
Today we watched Star Trek. It's not a bad show. We decided to watch a movie today (impromptu) and then after the movie , we decided to try out luck at one of the machines at Plaza Sing. Ed tried it before some time ago and spent $7 on catching a soft toy. It's IMPOSSIBLE. I think they just really strategically place the items to make you think you can get it, but it's really just their way of cheating your money.
Anyhoo, I had seen this father and 3 kids, carry away 3 medium size plastic bags of soft toys they had caught. Most of it , is from this machine with a pile of little soft toy dogs inside. So, after the movie we tried it out. Ed grabbed the little dog on top, and caught another one, and loh and behold, the claws closed, springing the dog out , and sent it tumbling down the 'hill' of dogs, and into the prize hole. YAY!
Here's our prize!
Of course, we tried it again, but it didn't work.
Here's another fun pic of Ed !
Anyhoo, I had seen this father and 3 kids, carry away 3 medium size plastic bags of soft toys they had caught. Most of it , is from this machine with a pile of little soft toy dogs inside. So, after the movie we tried it out. Ed grabbed the little dog on top, and caught another one, and loh and behold, the claws closed, springing the dog out , and sent it tumbling down the 'hill' of dogs, and into the prize hole. YAY!
Here's our prize!
Of course, we tried it again, but it didn't work.
Here's another fun pic of Ed !
Sunday, March 29, 2009
pray
Recently i've been wondering if God still listens to my prayers. They used to say in church that when you are not as close as you should be in a relationship with God, that He soon leaves you on your own. He won't even listen or help you when you pray.
If that is true, then i think God would be something more of a genie-like status in our lives, that He only listens when we obey, or because we want him to listen, we obey.
If anything could be taken away from what's left of my christian life, i don't want prayer to be it. My impression on Christians could be taken away, the comfort of having a church to go to may not exist, the joy of being able to sing in choir may be taken away, but at least apart from all the craziness within the ministry, at least i can still keep 'prayer' can't i?
There's just so much i want God to protect and save. Ed on his shoot, my mum at work, my brothers in school abroad, my dad's salvation....etc.
If that is true, then i think God would be something more of a genie-like status in our lives, that He only listens when we obey, or because we want him to listen, we obey.
If anything could be taken away from what's left of my christian life, i don't want prayer to be it. My impression on Christians could be taken away, the comfort of having a church to go to may not exist, the joy of being able to sing in choir may be taken away, but at least apart from all the craziness within the ministry, at least i can still keep 'prayer' can't i?
There's just so much i want God to protect and save. Ed on his shoot, my mum at work, my brothers in school abroad, my dad's salvation....etc.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Valentine's Day
I know this entry is a day late, but that's alright. Ed was nice and surprised me with a delivery of roses! I've always thought that it's cool for that to happen to anyone, and it happened to me! We don't usually celebrate Valentines because it's an over hyped holiday.
Sunday, February 01, 2009
:( it's me again.
My boss called a colleague of mine and practically screamed at her over the weekend. It's hard explaining why I'm probably going to get it tomorrow, but I'm pretty sure i will.
OK i need to stop being so pessimistic! I just hate that we get screamed at like we're kids. So much for ' managing your emotions'! Really dislike people who don't practice what they preach.
In any case, my aunt's coming back tomorrow so at least i can talk to someone. I think I've changed recently and I'm a bit shocked by it. Not that I've changed totally, but choices that I've made that i feel is wrong. I think it is things like this that I'm thankful I've noticed almost immediately and thankful that God has pointed it out to me. I don't want to be a horrible person with the things i say and do towards others. I'll be just like my boss!
I don't want to be money-minded, or selfish anymore. If you're a Christian and see this blog, please say a little prayer for me too, that I'll be better than what i am.
OK i need to stop being so pessimistic! I just hate that we get screamed at like we're kids. So much for ' managing your emotions'! Really dislike people who don't practice what they preach.
In any case, my aunt's coming back tomorrow so at least i can talk to someone. I think I've changed recently and I'm a bit shocked by it. Not that I've changed totally, but choices that I've made that i feel is wrong. I think it is things like this that I'm thankful I've noticed almost immediately and thankful that God has pointed it out to me. I don't want to be a horrible person with the things i say and do towards others. I'll be just like my boss!
I don't want to be money-minded, or selfish anymore. If you're a Christian and see this blog, please say a little prayer for me too, that I'll be better than what i am.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Baby Crazy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WVLUKjCWw2Y&feature=channel
I uploaded 3 videos of Caroline's kid. I was telling Ed how babies are dangerous creatures. They cloud your judgement with their cuteness and softness so it makes you want to have one of your own, even though you might not be mature enough to have one, or afford a kid.
But i bet when anyone looks at that sweet face of a boy, that's the last thing on anyone's mind and everything and anything is possible.
I uploaded 3 videos of Caroline's kid. I was telling Ed how babies are dangerous creatures. They cloud your judgement with their cuteness and softness so it makes you want to have one of your own, even though you might not be mature enough to have one, or afford a kid.
But i bet when anyone looks at that sweet face of a boy, that's the last thing on anyone's mind and everything and anything is possible.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Closing my eyes and holding my breath
I thought i would write an entry as i wait for my 'whitening' face mask to do it's job. Tomorrow is the 2nd week of the year, well the 3rd week if you want to get technical. I think I'm still feeling the blues about having to go back to work again. As i was walking home from Carol's place, i was wondering whether I've really found what i want to do for the rest of my life, and the answer is , no. Although there have been good moments with this job, I think of it more like a 'savings plan' for my future. A constant income coming in, CPF...
Are some of us just destined to study whatever we want, but not make anything out of it in the real world? I remember looking forward to work before, but i think it had to do mostly with the people i worked with.
Tonight I'll say a prayer for the people close to me. My family, Ed, Carol & Yanling, Charmaine, Anthea ;people who i know wish for something better in life, some slack, happiness, sufficiency. I'll pray we'll all be happy and not let our surroundings, situation dampen our mood. May we all remember to take things in perspective and worry less. May the urge to close my eyes and hold my breath , disappear soon.
Are some of us just destined to study whatever we want, but not make anything out of it in the real world? I remember looking forward to work before, but i think it had to do mostly with the people i worked with.
Tonight I'll say a prayer for the people close to me. My family, Ed, Carol & Yanling, Charmaine, Anthea ;people who i know wish for something better in life, some slack, happiness, sufficiency. I'll pray we'll all be happy and not let our surroundings, situation dampen our mood. May we all remember to take things in perspective and worry less. May the urge to close my eyes and hold my breath , disappear soon.
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