Update

I was going through some pictures, and found plenty i was suppose to blog with, but didn't have the time to. So here it is, long over- dued entries .


I was helping out in the Art Dept for a short film, and it wasn't a great experience. I guess it alwys has to do with the people you work with. Me and my 'boss' was ostracized really for whatever reasons . The director threw a bomb at us by deciding a day before the shoot that he wanted us to make a dead body. So really, instead of art direction, he really meant prop makers. Well, we both were outside making the body, but i guess his crew probably thought we were lazy and not inside watching over the scenes, and knowing what needs to be done next ( that's what an A. D is for , but they didnt' have the budget for one ) So whatever man. They can all think they are the best crew and all that, but i think the way they do things abit stupid . (Example : Call one of us to go in and cut off an elastic band from the owner's comforter, when one of them has a sissors and can do it himself. Or, asking one of us from the outside, ( and while we were making the props mind you, ) for a tissue, when there is a tissue box inside the house, next to one of the crew. If you are concerned about the time, isn't it common sense to look around for tissue? And for goodness sake, are we in charge of MAKEUP? HELLOOOO we are PROP MAKERS ( initially it's Art Direction, but as usual, some people don't know the difference. ) )
But the ultimate is, this is the first time on set i see the PM and PA sleep! They are usuallythe busiest on set ! But we always see something new everyday.




Next Entry :

SHOES!
I love shoes, and i happen to catch some of what ppl were wearing , and it's really nice!



Next Entry :

Twister Fries and Nuggets ! YUM! Look at the mountain of food! HAHAHA. Greedy me and JO!




Next Entry :

Li Yi. The small girl in the blue stripes is 2 years old, but she looks like she's a year old. She's the smallest and youngest girl in my class, and all the kids love her because she's so small. I think that's the amazing thing about kids ; they are just able to connect with each other, because of their age. Seems the older you get, the harder it is to interact and make friends easily.



It's rare that she even smiles. She's quiet and defensive because she's insecure i think. Her mum passed away when she was 1 years old. And the only thing she says is ' Papa' cause she wants to see her dad. Her dad works so she's taken care of by her nanny.

Neo Prints

I think sad times are here soon. The last time anyone left for any place was 2 years back, and that was when Liz had to head back to US to study, and Leon too. That was tough; losing some of my closest friends. And i remember when tht happened , it was on The Parcel shoot.

Now, Ryan's leaving for US to study, and Yap's leaving for Japan too. Sigh...

Hang Out at Spinelli's

Yummy spread at Spinelli's.

Chocolate Cake, Carrot Cake and Cookies! ( Ginger Macaroon and Dog Bone )
If you've eaten Danish 'Butter Cookies' in the can, that they sell at NTUC , you will find the Dog Bone familiar.

Chocolate Cheesecake. But i like the chocolate part better!



Carrot Cake. The frosting is amazing! And that top light coming from the top. Makes it looks like it's from heaven or something.


Jo's Carrot Cake!



My favourite!

Erm.. Just in case you see this Caroline, I can't seem to find your pic! Let it be made known that Caroline Chua of Simei St 2, Blk 145 joined us that night!

Fun Time Prawning!

It was a nice rainy day when Jo picked us up from Marina Bay MRT Station. Well, i mean, it didnt rain until we reached the prawning site. Kenneth caught 11 prawns that day i believe.


There's Caroline in the pink,and Jolene in blue.
We had no umbrellas so made use of the huge one they had stuck in the tables. HAha.

Then it was off to eat at Hong Kong Cafe.


Chicken Instant Noodle . (Not bad..)


Jo being her silly- fun self!


Carol and Kenneth. ( Can see Kenneth is used to Jolene's quirky ways. haha. )


Haha. Jo doesn't care what Kenneth thinks.

Painter

Erm, if anyone knows this man, tag me. Suppose to pass him photos. But it's been 4 years. Opps.

Field

Taken 4 years back. ITE East has taken over where the field once was.

Old Girls

OK, so Old Girls doesn't sound like a nice way to say it, but what i really meant was it was always the 4 of us, Grace (extreme left ) Jo (centre) and Caroline ( right) .




This pic was taken 4 years back i think.

Calamine Me

I found some letters in a folder and read them. They were written in 2001. 2001 doesn't seem too far behind. Two-thousand anything, seems to be not too long ago. They were written by a friend in church and the contents of the letter seem amiable and friendly. I try to recall our relationship then :

Were we close? Did we talk about plenty of stuff?
She thanked me for being a comfort to her,
but i can't remember what it was about.
There were things she wanted to share with me at a later time,
she never did.


How fleeting memories are,
At one time we were so close, i can't remember fully how great a friendship it was.
It really died down in the end. Now we hardly talk anymore.

And the stuff that she wrote in the letter, one point was about decisions i've made about relationships. I don't remember making them, but i must have at that point. That point was a horrible one ; we don't forget moments like that. Reading the letter now, 5 years later, how i want to say in response to her reply and comments : It's not the same anymore . I wish i can say it's all going to be ok but i don't know that it will be. And sometimes being happy now seems to be all that matters. We'll always have sadness with us anyway.

It just flies away .

I've been scanning negatives for the past 5 days, especially my black and white ones. It's amazing how much footages i don't have with me on print (because i can't find a darkroom to use) . I was looking at some of the rolls and there was one i took 3-4 years back, when my friend's daughter was still a newborn. How time has just flown away! Now i'm 4 years older and i wonder if i was the same person back then. Whether i felt the same way, thought the same things, whether my standard has changed. I'm sure it all has, but i wonder if the core of a person ever changes. I hope it never does ( and i don't think it has) change because that's essentially what a person is made of right?

Oh how i love black and white ! I shall never grow tired of it!

What love is.

I read this in The New Paper today and i just got to have it written down .

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year olds: " What does love mean? "

The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined:

When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands have arthritis too. That's love.
- Rebecca, 8

Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other. - Karl, 5

Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your french fries without making them give you any of theirs. - Chrissy, 6

Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.- Terri, 4

And my favourite one :

When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth. - Billy, 4

So cuteEeeeeeeeeeee!

Choices :Escapism

I don't think people really understand other people in general. Or rather, they just understand the parts that they can, and when they can't , it seems to be wrong or unacceptable.

Recently it seems as if there's a shift in a certain aspect of my life. There are choices i've had to make, and a lot of the choices i've made seems to make people question my intentions, or rather, who i am, and what matters to me.

Things are not easy. Choices are not easy. And i wish everyone else would get that. But you usually never ever understand unless you're in a similar position. So unless you've lived my life, gone through what i've gone through, felt whatever i've felt, then you can't really pick on the choices i've made or what i've become.

When i was in Thailand last year, a good friend had asked me about relationships and why they never worked out. And i told her that it seemed that one party or the other was never really ready for a relationship, or they didn't know what they want. Perhaps time would change things, maybe 3 years from now , they'll both be ready. And then my friend said something that really surprised me . She said , " That's not true, because in three years, both of you will be different people. It'll never be the same again "

I believe that is very true. I look back 3 years ago, maybe even 6 years back and i've just changed a whole lot as a person. 6 years ago, i didn't really know who i was. 6 years ago i was so confident , nothing would stop me. And then in 1 mth , everything changed . I think when you've lost much , and failed much, there is no fear in failing or losing anymore.

Just so you all know, I'm not the same Jayne that i was 6 years back. I'm not the same Jayne i was 3 years back. I've moved on in life at a different pace, i've seen different things, met different people, and there is no regretting, or turning back. If i walk away from something, i don't look back. Is it pride that enables me to do that? I think it's maybe fear of sinking back into something that just shouldn't have had happened in the first place.

I used to wish i could just fly away. Nothing's holding me back anyway. There's nothing or no one to keep me behind. But that would just be irresponsible wouldn't it? It would be running away from what's the reality of it all : no one needs you and no one even cares.

Fact : The basic human need, is to be needed.
Fiction : That no one needs you (because it's really all in your mind)

Don't think so much Jayne. ( Now that is one thing that's still a Jayne trait since 6 years back )

Gadget Girl

I'm so happy!

My dad got an external DVD burner. More gadgets to play with! YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

I'm glad i take after my dad when it comes to fixing things and checking new gadgets out.

Prayer

I think prayer is the best thing you can do for a person. Because , just think about it, that's the most powerful way to help a person because you're depending on a mighty power to help them.
And so why not give the best kind of help to a person if he/she needs it?

Of course the bible also speaks of how you should help a person in any way you can, and not just lip service only la. Like how Jesus spoke about how it's wrong to send a hungry, poor person away without food and saying ' I'll pray for you' instead.

But can i have some prayer please?

A Quote

The high-minded man must care more for the truth than for what people think.

Denial

Years back in Sunday School, the teacher asked a question after speaking about how Jesus was denied 3 times by Peter. And then she asked everyone around the class " Would you deny Jesus ? " My answer? I said " Of course not! How can you deny Him after what He has done for you? "

But i guess we deny Him in so many other ways.

I think.. trust no one?

I think it's frightening . People that is. How do you know if someone is who they say they are ? I've known people who i thought i knew and then they turned out something else, and then i get scared. Also, there was another incident of that happening recently. So, who's real and who's not?

Maybe what's really true, is the fact that no matter how much you know a person, their choices may change later in life, and that's why it seems that they've changed. I hope fundamentally, people still keep to certain convictions. I guess the best change, is one for the better.

We need more real people.

Words

Recently the conversation came up of Romeo and Juliet. And i went to a site where they had quotes from the play and i'm beginning to appreciate Shakespeare's way with words. How brilliant it all seems when you read it. He must have felt so much that he is able to write all he did in his numerous plays.

True, I talk of dreams,Which are the children of an idle brain,Begot of nothing but vain fantasy.

These sorrows make me old.

My only love sprung from my only hate!Too early seen unknown, and known too late!

Good night, good night! parting is such sweet sorrow,That I shall say good night till it be morrow.

Sleepy , Sleepy Me.

It's 4 am in the morning. Why am i still awake?

I guess i just wanted to write something. I love filming. I love being on set. I love the group of people i'm working with right now.I hope we start something soon. I hope that i'll continue to get more jobs.

5 Signs you're too busy.

1) The Dvds you bought 3 weeks back are still unopened.

2) There's no need to go online at home ; you've surfed all you needed to at work.

3) While other Twentysomethings are sleeping past 2 am, you're in bed by 11 pm max.

4) You see more of your colleagues than your own parents.

5) You gladly work past your working hours ( without being paid overtime) just so you can clear as much work as you can.

What's really real. Really.

I think it's a little scarey how pretentious people can be. I used to have this friend in school where you couldn't really tell who she was. You can see who she is, and maybe the things she says would sort of define who she is, but who is she really? I think it's all in the eyes. Just the way they speak, or something about the eyes that give it all away.

But i wish people weren't that way. I wish they could just be themselves and allow the world to love them for who they really are. And of course, there's always a wall that people put up because of fear, or because they're in a new environment , and maybe i am guilty of that sometimes too.

Is it possible to be someone you're not so much, you yourself don't know who you really are?

And now on the topic of love, or affection ( since there are so many definitions of love ) . I think it's sad if you feel affection for a person, and the person feels the same way, but they have to hide it. Firstly, i think people should be able to love freely ( of course, it has to be in the confines of what you believe in, and whether it hurts anyone else ;for example, not being a third party, or ruining marriages, and as a Christian not being unequally yoked ) So unless it's wrong legally, or ethically, then it's just plain wrong, and it should not continue. Whether the world agrees or not, it's my convictions, so to each his own.

Honestly , i'm in awe of people who are in love, or who have found the right person to spend the rest of their life with. Who doesn't want that ? So for those who have love, continue in love, and just be happy for having each other. For those without, erm... too bad?


Anyway, it's not a life or death situation. It's all a matter of conditioning .

HELLO WORLD

I'm in high spirits.
There's just been much growth lately. The block of non-progression has not been in my way since the year started. Change must happen in order for progress to take place, and there has been much change.

There has been much progress in many aspects and i'm loving every moment of it. I'm not saying progress equates success, because i don't believe life can totally be smooth sailing everyday. But, to just be able to experience unexplainable sadness and yet actually crawl on, makes it mighty fantastic. It's the best feeling in the world.

Pat a Cake , Baker's Man

I've been waiting for a while and I can't wait to do it!

My mom's gotten me a hand mixer and I got myself a Bundt cake tin, and I can't wait to bake. I just only hope the oven's going to help me with getting the cake cooked inside. Sigh. Plus, I got a nice new apron as an unexpected gift for Christmas. What are the odds for that? It's clearly a sign that I was meant to bake!


Disclaimer : Jayne is clearly delusional at this point. You may choose to ignore her entry unless she really bakes something good.

Christmas is Coming

Greetings to one and all!

December, the best time of the year. Good things are happening this time of the year.

Tomorrow i'll finally see Liz again. It's been 2 years right? YAY! My dearest friend!

I'm beginning to understand people more , especially the younger youth in church, and i'm glad for that. How could i never have thought of being more involved.

I've realised some things this past week. I think it was more of a 'certainty' to certain issues i had been pondering on.

This verse was brought to mind 2 days back:

Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. ( Phil 4:11)

Hypocrisy

A friend asked me if we are all hyprocites. I think we all are, at some points in our lives, but i decided to do a little research on that term and came up with some sites.

First, the definition.
Dictionary.com says,

Middle English ipocrite, from Old French, from Late Latin hypocrita, from Greek hupocrits, actor, from hupokrnesthai, to play a part, pretend.

hypocrite
n : a person who professes beliefs and opinions that he does not hold

Brainydictionary.com says,

Hypocrite
One who plays a part; especially, one who, for the purpose of winning approbation of favor, puts on a fair outside seeming; one who feigns to be other and better than he is; a false pretender to virtue or piety; one who simulates virtue or piety.

And then it gets interesting, because there are actually sites that speak on Hypocrisy.

http://www.hypocrite.com/ - a site that speaks for itself
http://www.hardcoretruth.com/Hypocrisy/ - a site that tells you if you are one, and how to deal with it.

I'll read it when i have the time.

It's a clear day.

Today as i was walking home, everything just felt so clear and wondrously peaceful. The sky looked great. It's the most amazing feeling.

Recently the topic in my life has been my taking life too seriously. I had not known that like a lighthouse, my outward countenance has been beaming that very thing to the world. Thanks to Eunice for pointing it out. Have i been taking things too seriously? I hadn't noticed at all. And then my other friend from class, a good friend just mentioned a short while ago that he enjoyed the times when on set, i was happy without a care in the world. Whatever has becomed of me? Do i walk through life dragging my feet? Sometimes , well most times i believe it's really the company around me. When i look around, all i see is just me. And i guess i'm trying to adapt to that. Let's face it, my age group is a minority, and it's been that way for years now, not only in church but outside as well. I have only 2 friends my age, and we hardly meet up, but our friendship is etched in stoned. I believe that God's teaching me to depend on Him as a friend. I do not believe in having a best friend because God has already taken that space. The plus side about being a lone ranger is that i'm pretty much used to that employment , and when i do feel a bit down about it, i just remind myself and say ," Well, i guess it's just you and me ,God. " I've also learnt that at the end of the day, He's the only one left. It really brings more true to the heart when you think, ' What a friend we have in Jesus' .

Anyway, well, i'm going to take the advice and try not to take life as seriously as i am taking it. I think that would be an adventure in itself.

I have a Christian friend

Ok the title might sound funny if you guys know me, yes the majority of my friends are Christians. I spend 80 to 90% of the past 6 years in church it's impossible that ties could not have been formed and friendships etched in stone.

A friend of mine outside my normal realm of Christian friends, reminded me of being one. Just imagine the senario. You're on the last day of a shoot, and a key actor is not there. There's no way to get someone else because he's in one of the later scenes that has already been shot. What do you do? It came naturally to me to start blaming the actor for not turning up and even concluding that him not turning up is a reflection of his character. I'm not even the director and i'm feeling this way.

My friend the director had his worries too, but at the end of the day he said this :

"希望他没事"

Slap my face.

I am therefore reminded of a Christian's love, that ultimately comes from a loving God. One with the love of God can only put someone's well-being first. And so i say , I have a Christian friend, and i'm thankful for that.

Am beat and upbeat

I did 2 tests yesterday from Tickle. One was an IQ test, the other is a 'What's-a-right-job-for-you' test.

Isn't it funny how we need tests to know who we are? I've written about that before in another entry and i'm reminded about it again. It's good knowing we are smart, and much better if someone or some site tells us that.

Anyway, to cut it short, the IQ test determined i have a 129 score, and my ideal job is being an Architect.

Let me digress and say also that i love shoots, and i love being on set. I love how friendships are formed and how that seems to be enough to make things run smoothly on set, and even in life. People are important, and i need to remember that.

Happy Me

I'm crazy.
I'm crazy over a dog with wild hair.

Those who know me personally would know i have an issue with hair. I've had an issue with hair as long as i knew mine started to suck big time ( which is at least a decade)

Anyhow, recently i thought that i'm over him. That i'm over Ken. But today i found out i'm not. Jolene gave me a bag of Kens. And i love it. I love it so much , just thinking of how i'm going to be able to have them in a line on any surface makes today one of the best days of my life.



Finally a part of me can tell my toy-collecting friend a.n.t.h.e.a , " Look at my cute little toy collection too! Look at it and ENVY me. " ( you can see how i SO want to be part of the little toy collecting club)

How can anyone not fall in love with Ken too?

The Block of Non-Progression

A friend asked , "what is the worst block to have in life? "

I answered, " Do you mean when it comes to ideas or do you mean generally? "

He said ," Anything will do "

And so i answered, " The worst block in life is when one is still in the same state as one was in the day before. ( you can expand on that by going back further in time ) There is no progress in your life. "

In conclusion he said ," The worst block in life is a writer's block. " And then he went offline.

Well. I guess that's the worst case senario for him because a good story for my film-making friend, is important. And he is in the midst of writing a story.

But the block for me is one of non-progression. I am threatened by it almost daily when i allow it to sink in. Daily i seem to look at my acheivements and wonder what i've accomplished. How different am i from 2 years ago?

I think fear is a problem for me. Fear can be a good thing. It's a signal sent out by the brain to prevent us from doing the dumbest, even life-threatening things. Crossing that line, and if we're successful at that, changes us drastically, and the progression rate is short and fast.

I need to be braver.

Fleeting Images

There's so much to do but i'm not doing.
There's so much to see but i don't know where i should look.
There's so much to run here, but the only running i'm doing is in my head.
Can i just grab and run with the tide as it comes
and be swept by the tumbles of waves.

Sweep me right to the ends of the earth.

Hmm.

The section below came in an email a friend sent.

There once was a man named George Thomas, pastor in a small New England town. One Easter Sunday morning he came to the Church carrying a rusty, bent, old bird cage, and set it by the pulpit. Eyebrows were raised and, as if in response, Pastor Thomas began to speak...

"I was walking through town yesterday when I saw a young boy coming toward me swinging this bird cage. On the bottom of the cage were three little wild birds, shivering with cold and fright. I stopped the lad and asked,
"What you got there, son?"
"Just some old birds," came the reply.
"What are you gonna do with them?" I asked.
"Take 'em home and have fun with 'em," he answered.
"I'm gonna tease 'em and pull out their feathers to make 'em fight. I'm gonna have a real good time."
"But you'll get tired of those birds sooner or later. What will you do?"
"Oh, I got some cats," said the little boy.
"They like birds. I'll take 'em to them."
The pastor was silent for a moment.
"How much do you want for them? "
"Huh?? !!! Why, you don't want them birds, mister. They're just plain old field birds. They don't sing. They ain't even pretty!"
"How much?" the pastor asked again.
The boy sized up the pastor as if he were crazy and said, "$10?"
The pastor reached in his pocket and took out a ten dollar bill. He placed it in the boy's hand. In a flash, the boy was gone.
The pastor picked up the cage and gently carried it to the end of the alley where there was a tree and a grassy spot. Setting the cage down, he opened the door, and by softly tapping the bars persuaded the birds out, setting them free.

Well, that explained the empty bird cage on the pulpit, and then the pastor began to tell this story:
One day Satan and Jesus were having a conversation. Satan had just come from the Garden of Eden, and he was gloating and boasting.
"Yes, sir, I just caught the world full of people down there. Set me a trap, used bait I knew they couldn't resist. Got 'em all!"
"What are you going to do with them?" Jesus asked.
Satan replied, "Oh, I'm gonna have fun! I'm gonna teach them how to marry and divorce each other, howto hate and abuse each other, how to drink and smoke and curse. I'm gonna teach them how to invent guns and bombs and kill each other. I'm really gonna havefun!"
"And what will you do when you get done with them?"Jesus asked.
"Oh, I'll kill 'em," Satan glared proudly.
"How much do you want for them?" Jesus asked.
"Oh, you don't want those people. They ain't no good. They'll spit on you, curse you and kill you. You don't want those people!!"
"How much?" He asked again.
Satan looked at Jesus and sneered, "All your blood, tears and your life."
Jesus said, "DONE!" Then He paid the price.

There has to be some basic rules.

Over the weekend, i've decided on two rules that people should stick to.

1) People should be happy
2) Boys should start being men.

I came up with the above after hearing plenty from people around me.

May God help us all.

A Fishing I Go

Today we fished. Finally.






I've been mentioned fishing to my friend for a long time, and today we actually did it. Yup. Enough of procrastinating. Finallly, some action instead of just words. And here's the fruits of our labour.






We caught about 11 fishes! YAY!

They were little ones , the biggest one about the size of that guy's palm. A.n.t.h.e.a regretted giving a cute small one away to someone who was going to eat it. So we made sure the rest were given to people who planned on keeping them in tanks. I've always sort of liked fishing. Now i'm hooked! (pun intendeddddddddddd)

And so next week , we're going to go fishing again. YAY!

We bladed too and it's been 5 years since i did it. I wasn't even an expert then, so don't think i was a pro today . I suppose it's like riding a bike , once you really get the hang of it, you don't forget how it's done.

My shins hurt badly now cause i slipped, and rammed into an iron bench. What a way to start the day.

My blading progress so far :
1) trying to take strides more instead of 'walking' on wheels
2) going over humps in the road.

Soon i'll be a pro skater. ( yah right. )

Such Sweetness

My best friend's daughter. I think she looks like a glow worm.

Chicken Hearted Me

Recently i've decided to start playing a PS2 game that Ryan got for me. It has fantastic animations and i really got it because 1) The screen shots looked great graphically 2) The lead role was a girl and she had a nice white dog that followed along. In case you begin to think that it's some cutie little game with kawaii looking characters and a fluffy dog, it's hardly anything like that.

I'm actually online right now because i'm trying to calm my nerves after playing that game. It's not really horror , with ghosts and all that. Maybe it's a thriller. But it isn't a who-dun-it sorta game. I'm just glad that i don't have an 80 yr old heart or i would have died a thousand times over.

Rising Film-maker

YAY!

I'm so happy for my friend! Guess what he wonnnnnnnnnnnnnn? Anyway, he's really capable and has good intentions about doing film.

Haha.. it's going to kill me when he sees this pic online. :p

How do i love thee? Let me count the ways...

Don't be alarmed by the title. No, i'm not in love. I do however feel it. Today i felt happy, and full of love for my dad. Not that it's just today that i feel love for him, but i feel it especially so today.

His birthday is tomorrow, and he'll be 55 years old. I guess there's a lot that add up to why i felt that way today. I can't wait to be able to give him the best life he deserves and that he can finally stop working and for once, do something for himself. Imagine working at a job you're not interested in for over 30 years just cause it paid you a hundred bucks more when you first started out and needed the cash badly because of the huge responsibilites at home.

Oh how i love my dad.

Psalm 42 :2 -11

My soul thirsteth for God, for the living God: when shall i come and appear before God?

My tears have been my meat day and night, while they continually say unto me, Where is thy God?

When i remember these things, i pour out my soul in me: for i had gone with the multitude, i went with them to the house of God, with the voice of joy and praise, with a multitude that kept holyday.

Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why are thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God: for i shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance.

O my God, my soul is cast down within me:therefore will i remember thee from the land of Jordan, and of the Hermonites, from the hill Mizar.

Deep calleth unto deep at the noise of thy waterspouts: all thy waves and they billows are gone over me.

Yet the LORD will command his lovingkindness in the daytime, and in the night his song shall be with me, and my prayer unto the God of my life.

I will say unto God my rock, why hast thou forgotten me? Why go i mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?

As with a sword in my bones, mine enemies reproach me;while they say daily unto me, Where is thy God?

Why are thou cast down, O my soul ? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God: for i shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.

A slight change of plans

Oppsie. heh. Well, regarding the previous entry about wanting to do that thing I had planned on? Well.. I spoke with a few people, and I realise that maybe doing it at this time now would be a bad idea, and I should really concentrate on making a good product, instead of focusing on the prize ahead. Anything material should not be the focus. Oh well. I guess I'll worry about next year.

Also, I need to be braver. It's something a dear lecturer told me 3 years back after I left school, and I've never forgotten it since. I suppose there is a slight improvement on my part. If ignorance, and naivete equates courage , I had plenty before. I think maybe i want it back again.

I guess I would be just like the cowardly lion heading to the Wizard of Oz . Only, I would only need to just head to God instead.

Running on Adrenaline

Time :12.01am
Day: 10 Sept 2005

I just decided on something. There's something i think i should do and i'm going to do it. And because of that sudden purpose, i feel as if the seconds are passing by with such waste. I shouldn't be here typing. I should start preparing. I'm so excited about it, i wonder if i've ever felt excited about any other project before.

But all i know is, i need to do this. I need to start coming out from the shadows, the backseat, sidelines and start making it. This is the time. It has GOT to happen.

I have one worry though. When one puts all hope into something, you can fall so hard on your face , it smashes into bits. It's happened to me twice before. Hopefully third time's a charm.
But when you've failed and lost it all before, there's nothing more to lose.

Far Side of the World - Part 2.1

I love road trips.
2 places that everyone should go once in their life : Las Vegas and the Grand Canyon.

But make sure you drive up to Las Vegas from California. And bring a few good pals along. The ride up is a sight to behold. I've never seen so much land and that was the first impression i had of the United States 1) There's so much land and 2) the sky's much bigger. I didn't know that California was a hilly state. There were plenty of hills in California and especially driving up to Vegas. Even at my Uncle's brother's place ( we're not related) has hills behind it.


View from bedroom


Letterbox! Cute!

Fine. I'm probably silly for putting up the picture of the letterbox, but ho hum.

Ok, let me get to the ride up to Vegas. All you see is hills on the left and right. And it's just B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L.

And then, the view just gets better! Looks too perfect it looks like a painting.





And that's a train running along!

And as we travelled the music seemed to change, and soon it was country music playing on the radio. I wonder if that's how the radio stations work in the U.S. It's like when you cross the border, then the stations change automatically or something and you know you're in Vegas because of the music it plays. And so it's dark and we're travelling down little hills and my uncle's brother speeds up just when we're going down each one so it feels like a roller coaster ride. Who says adults over 50 dont know how to have fun? ;)

And then we hit a town just before Las Vegas. There's all the fancy neon lights and all that and we park our vehicle. The next part amazes me. It's night time and it's expected to be cooler, but it's 90 degrees out. The air is hot, and the breeze is just hot air blowing at you like you're in a sauna, or standing infront of a fireplace.




That's the Flamingo. That's home for the night.

Far Side of the World - Part 1

Country : United States of America
State : California
Location : Knott's Berry Farm Amusement Park
Date : 27th July 2005

As stated on the signboard it says it's America's 1st theme park. My uncle who's 76 this year can attest to that. Basically you just need to get a ticket and then you pay a fixed price and you can ride as many rides as you want, just like Disneyland. Too bad though that Wayne doesn't really like rides, and my uncle and aunt isn't really into them too, i have to ride alone. It would have been great to have someone to scream with. Any-ho, I did manage to take ONE ride. Sigh. Yes, only one ride. That's because the majority would like to see all the different shows first and so that's what we did.

Here's a pic of a coaster that's made wholly of wood. It's called the Ghost Rider. My only regret was not trying every single ride, but like i said we were trying to get to every other show first.

And now, here's a pic of the only ride i took. The only reason why i went ahead and took it was because i know i would slap myself later and the rest of my days for not experiencing something like that. Just thinking of that ride and how i felt comes back so clearly to me, it brings a smile to my face. It's the ride on the right ,that tall tower like thing.

I know people ask me how tall it is, and i guess it doesn't seem that tall in the picture. And so here's some info i got from the Knott's Berry Farm Site:

Supreme Scream, transports brave, open-air riders straight UP, to a record-breaking 254 feet in midair, before power-blasting them straight DOWN -- in a gut-wrenching three seconds flat! Velocity of the downward plunge tops 50 miles an hour, bringing terrifying new meaning to the term "negative gravity." But the towering thriller isn't finished with you yet. There's still another heart-pounding wallop as riders rebound halfway back up the skyscraping tower before a final, merciful landing at the launch pad below.

Length of Ride : 45 seconds G-Force : +4.0 to -1.5 Velocity : 50 mph Height : 254 feet

It's about 23 storeys high i think.

Well, the fun part was just sitting on and thinking " It's not that high" and then as you go up and see the ground below move further away and then u start to even imagine that you're not even sitting on a seat, and all u start to hold on to for dear life, is the arm thingy that goes over your head and locks you down to your waist like a steel life-jacket. And then you look our and wow the view is fantastic, and i bet you could see the whole of California.

And then you start to die.

Or at least, that thought enters seconds before you even know you're falling, and you can't see a thing because your body's natural reflex is to shut the eyes so you don't have to look death in the face. And so to take it all in, you pry your eyes open and see the ground coming closer, and then immediately feel like you were floating . It's an amazing experience. And then just when you think you're going to smash to the ground and break your legs, you shoot back up again and scream the rest of the way down. Or laugh.

That's the best feeling in the world. EVERYONE should take it once in their life. Of course you should make sure your heart can take the plunge.

And so ends the day at Knott's Berry Farm Amusement Park.

The point of neediness

Today is a brand new day. At least, it feels that way.

Was speaking to a friend online this morning and was encouraged by the things he said. I've known him for such a long time and he's such a good pal and anyway, i've kinda seen how he's tried to balance the spiritual life and being in school. It's been such a change because he's more involved in doing things for the Lord, and it has not affected his school work at all. The reason why he's become this way is because of 2 or 3 other persons who has been an encouragement to him.

It is not easy being a Christian because it's not just a namesake , but something that has to be weaved into a lifestyle. Sometimes it's even harder when you stand before other Christians and have to face some sort of 'judgement' from them because you're not as involved in things for God as you should be , and while you're struggling 10 times over in your personal life and trying to make it all work, all they can see is the number of times you've missed church. Of course, there are a good amount of Christians that choose to pray and encourage instead of pointing out faults and making a list of 'what-to-dos' as a Christian. And then, there's another group of people who unknowingly move others to get back on track by just doing what they do . In some sense, one can say they are in a world of their own as they don't see the 'what-to-dos' as the guide for life, or to gain reward or blessings. They are so motivated by one purpose, they don't look at a particular person/s and remember how many times he/she has missed church or remembers their every shortfall. They are motivated unselfishly and solely by one purpose : God.

I think being a Christian goes beyond knowing what one should/should not be doing. It should go beyond following a book of rules. It is a sort of love that comes naturally with God as the focus and because that focus is so strong, you NEVER think about how faithful you are, how many times you lied, how you can be a better Christian, how to get more blessings, how serving others serves yourself at the same time because it makes you a better person and makes others like you in return. True love never compares. True love serves without a single thought of 'self'.

And so it keeps going. My friend is encouraged by that third group and he has encouraged me .

Also, one thing i've learnt from isolating myself from everyone for a month while i was away :

We isolate ourselves, or we find it easy to even attempt that because of many reasons, one of them being because we feel that we are of zero importance to people and hence it is easy to detach ourselves from everyone else because the relationship we have with others seems to be just based solely on that namesake and nothing more. But i learnt that no matter how much you feel the world goes on without you ( which does because it is only scientifically natural) , someone always needs you, and most of the time, that person doesn't deserve to be detached from in the first place. It's pretty selfish as i think about it, and i apologise. I don't regret isolating myself, but i will always regret not being there for my friend when he needed me.

This would be final entry for a while

I"m sitting here wondering why i'm blogging. Sometimes, it seems as if blogging is just such a pretence. We blog so that others can know about us. But don't they already know us? OR rather, we blog so we can show people who we really are, cause apparently when we type/write , we have time to think and therefore, explain ourselves better. I'm getting bored of explaining myself. I guess from now on, i wouldn't be blogging about my life, ( or at least, i'll try not to) but just put on random quotes, or stuff. I don't know. Let me find out the next time i blog.

Plus, i'll have no more internet access tomorrow onwards. Its ok though. It would be nice to disconnect myself from everyone else . Love ya all, see you when i get back.

Chasing the sun

I've been receiving fantastic emails from a friend, and i'm quite surprise that the emails have great wisdom in them. Well, they're not really wisdom. It's more of the fact that he can pick out parts of films and make a lesson out of them, while the words just breeze by me when i watch films.
A bit of dialogue from a film he watched :


‘All a gun does is focus an explosion in one direction. You have a class of young strong men and women, and they want to give their lives to something. Advertising has these people chasing cars and clothes they don't need. Generations have been working in jobs they hate, just so they can buy what they don't really need. ‘

I'm feeling great. No nobody stop me!

I feel happy. It isn't an over-rated kind of jumping up and down happiness. It's a peaceful sort of happiness. Well... i wouldn't even say it's that kind of happiness. It's more of...like a hint of sweet melon scent that appears once in a while in the air. My good friend a.n.t.h.e.a always says to me , ' Don't be affected by what people say about you ' . Well, she doesn't really say it that way, and she's not the only one that i hear that from. There's always this phrase people tell each other , about not being affected by what people say about you. Or not being affected by what people think about you. But lets all be honest now. Everyone IS affected by what people say, or think. Because isn't it built into our systems that everyone wants to be liked or accepted? And then there's this whole other attitude that equates 'Don't be affected by what people say about you' to ' Like me , hate me, i don't care. I am what i am, take it or leave it '. Now, that's just sort of arrogant . Cause having that sort of attitude just makes you seem like you're moulding the whole world around YOU. But then again , if you don't care what it seems, then it doesn't matter does it?

Anyway, i don't even know why i just said all that.

Ok. Anyway, I'm just happy. I believe that in everyone's life , especially from the age of 13 all the way till 22 or 23, each person is prone to behave in extreme behavior at certain points in their life. They get extremely emotional about certain things and if you're in that person's shoes, you really don't see how he/she can act otherwise. It can be extreme anger, or extreme sadness. And mostly, all that extreme behavior, results in deep regret later on because once you're past that stage, you see what a fool you've made of yourself and it's real shameful behavior, and people will always associate you with that, no matter how much you try to change. But it takes a big person, to look past all the same ol faults, and see that yup , " You've change. Even if it's just a bit, but at least you're moving on. "

It's going to be a brand new day.

I've been writing some stuff down, and i guess thinking about certain things. I'm twenty-three years old, and there isn't much i've achieved yet. I had planned to be 'this' or 'that' or to just do things before i hit 30. And i'm really not accomplishing any of the things i've wanted to do. I think the problem is me. We always blame something, or someone else for everything we do or become. We blame God for not giving us the things that other people have, when in fact, alot of the things, we could get ourselves. He did give us the essentials like a brain, the ability to move to get the thing done. We blame our circumstances. At least, i know i do that a lot more so now than before. ' If i only have a job, my life will be better off' ' It's not that i'm fatter, it's cause i'm sitting around much more cause there's nothing to do , that's why i'm fatter' ' I dont have enough time. Maybe if i had more time, if i had less work, i'll do more' Everything that results in who i am, is a result of a choice of my own. Blame no one, blame no circumstance. God gave us free will, so we really have no excuse at all.

So, i'm going to make sure i accomplish some of the stuff i want to do. For now, it'll be juggling, and getting fitter.

I'm BAcccccccckkkk.... at least online. for now.

I'm so glad to be online again. Yes, i DEPEND too much on the internet. How is everyone? I've just arrived in Oklahoma City and am now at Wayne's place. It's 2.29 am now, which means it's about the same time or maybe an hour difference, but in the afternoon over there. It's the first time since i've been online and i'm making full use of it. hehe.

Anyway, i'll be here in Oklahoma with Wayne till 24th of August and then i'll be flying back to Houston. I have to internet access in Houston and i can't get in touch with Leon yet! Where is that boy?

Anyway, my address in Houston ( because some of you are asking Caroline about it ) is

10603, MacKenzie Drive
Houston, TX 77086

I think i'll go sleep now...