Singapore

Thought i should upload some pictures of the city since i've been taking a lot of them recently. I like that Singapore is very accessible and that it really looks beautiful.

These pictures are taken from a cable car ride to Mount Faber. My first cable car ride!





And there's the view from CitySpace, my HK aunt and her friends brought her there to see what it was like . It has a beautiful view because you see all the lights, and really the whole city, but the beauty of it all fades a little because you see the lights of the building slowly get switched off, and its just a patch of darkness.

View from City Space





And finally on my way to the town on day, and the cab passed by the city skyline of Singapore. Pity i missed a better shot of the skyline in the background and the cranes in front of it. That shot is a good example of how Singapore is ALWAYS upgrading. Construction never ends here.

Smell-less

I think i've lost my sense of smell.

I dont know when it happened and i just realised it yesterday. I think it has to do with my recent bount with getting a slight fever and being all stuffy nosed, but the thing is, my nose isn't stuffy anymore, but i can't smell a thing. I can taste food, but i've realised it's less enjoyable. I wonder if i should see a doctor about it or whether i should just let it pass. Maybe it'll be better soon?

And now my sore throat has turned into a full fledged cough. I don't know which one i prefer better, but i'm thinking the cough.

I always feel that being under the weather reminds us how good it is to be healthy. I finally bought my cheap running shoes! Time to exercise!

Sabah Pics!

Ok, they're finally ready to be uploaded. Here are some pics of the trip. What i love most about it is a bit of treking we had to do to reach those rubber trees, and the streams we passed through. Cool!


The nice scenery


The little stream we had to pass.


After we walked some more, we had to cross an even bigger stream and trek up the hill to rubber trees. That was a workout, but i needed the exercise anyway. I love the streams!


Happy is me.



Happy is my feet.



Chaka , our Malaysia fixer enjoying the cool water. It gets pretty deep some parts.


For the next few days, we went to different parts of the place and had to cross other streams too.


Because there are competitions involved in the project i'm working on, for a punishment, the losing team had to eat a preserved food. Can you guess what it is?


After 3 days of shoot, we spent a little of the last day doing a bit of shopping before our flight. The Philippine Market is great for pearls and crafts. I got something for Fatimah's little girl, and didn't really have time to shop for anyone else.


Last shot of the day.

Walking on Air

I'm finally back! Just got back from my last overseas trip for the project I'm working on. The day after i came back (Thursday) and woke up, a rush of pleasant memories from the shoot filled my head. It made all my tiredness from the trip disappear. I'm sad that it's over, and i wished it didn't have to be so. I met a great bunch of people, and learnt so much as well. I don't think i could have asked for anything more.

Before i left for the trip, i had actually prayed about it. I tend to worry a lot, and to a certain extent , i think it's because i know that God always tries to show me that i need to depend on him, and i worry sometimes that perhaps I'm leaving Him out in the scheme of things, and therefore, sometimes things don't work out because He's reminding me i need Him still. Anyway, thanks to everyone that's been praying about my trip. I really believe prayer works because i know there are things that are beyond our control and we just need to depend on a higher power for it.

I think God has been really good to me.I had prayed that he showed me an opportunity to get a 'break' because i had been trying to find a place to work at, and he brought me to where i am now. I've met probably the nicest people in this film industry, and worked with someone who's a Christian , so it helps that we can talk about church and other related stuff sometimes. I had prayed for God to help me learn much , and He has. Every single thing I've prayed for, He's answered. I'm glad that God never abandons any of us.

I'll upload photos of the trip soon! I really loved the place. I've learnt 2 things on the trip :

1) We're all lonely people.
2) There's so much in this world to see.

I had a slight panic attack in the plane on the way back. Well, perhaps I'm making it sound worst than it really was, but the feeling was the kind that just gripped me and made my hair stand. I was looking through a travel magazine on the plane, and saw so many places i want to see , cultures i want to learn from. The world is SO huge, and i wonder if God would allow me to see/experience them all before it's too late. The fear that gripped me was the realisation that I'm 25 years old, and there's still so much i could do/experience, but wasn't doing it. It was the fear of time running faster than me, and leaving me behind with regrets.

Annoyed.

I'm so angry right now it's not funny.

Can't wait to fly off. If only it were today. Maybe i'm angry, so i'm saying this, and maybe i mean what i say right now cause i'm mad.

Sigh.

If i could have one thing removed from my life it would be fear.

The Conclusion

The wise mountain tortise said,
"Even if you compared yourself to a pile of poo, you would still be unhappy."

Rewind.

I think i was smarter when i was 17 than i am today. I thought we get wiser as we grow older? I now realise that isn't true. I think my brain may have stopped it's learning capacity, and i feel a little sad it may be true.

When i was 17, i learnt the clarinet on my own , and though i wouldn't say i'm an expert, or know every single note, i think i'm not that bad.

I still remember Thai words i learnt when i was 17. Languages were easier to catch then.

When i was 16 , i understood God and the bible in reference to life more than i do today. And i didn't even attend church then, and all i had was the bible. I'm not boasting and saying that i'm an expert, but i think God was really helping me grasp certain things in life.

When i was 17, i was a whiz in MIRC, ICQ ( & skins) and other technie stuff. Today i can't even remember what commands i used then, and i don't even know how to make my blog fancy enough. I bet if i had my brain when i was 17, i would be able to do fantastic things on the web.

But when i was 17 - 21, it is also the age, when i didn't understand concepts and the world seemed larger than i could handle. I made plenty of mistakes, and if i could turn back time, maybe fix it. I hated that period of time. It is the one stage of my life, i would not want to go back to.

I think the best age to be is 23. When i was 23, i felt that way, and now that i'm 25, i still feel the same. I like ME today. I think i understand more, and deal with things better than i used to. I hope it continues to be that way.

I don't like you Mac.

Sometimes i feel like throwing my Macbook onto the ground. Sometimes i really hate it.

So far since i've gotten it, my wireless doesn't work, and i've been getting it to work, and nothing's working. I don't understand how to uninstall programs even though everyone else says its just about dragging it into the trash and emptying it. How do i know if that works? What if its still in there somewhere? I guess that's why i still enjoy using the PC, and i supposed maybe it's because it's more detailed and you know where everything is. Or maybe it's because i'm just used to what's easy, and so far, though i pride myself into being able to catch on to things fast, i still for the life of me, cannot understand how to get the wireless to work. Msn doesn't seem to work well on the Mac, and i guess i can't really use those cute icons that i have in my PC.

Even when i blog, i seem to have more options on the blogger interface when i'm using the PC than when i blog on the Mac. So it's really starting to annoy me.

Isn't there a list of routers on the internet that is not compatible with a Macbook? If there was a list maybe i would just buy a new router anyway . Maybe that's the problem, and it could be easily solved right?

There's probably not enough Mac users in the whole world , which is why my problem with my Macbook , will always be there , unsolved. I hope some smart alec comes along to fix it. It's about time someone knew how something works.

The Best Nitendo Game in the WORLD!

Go to this link :

http://guineacooks.multiply.com/video/item/21

Aiyah, actually i feel it's the best Nitendo game for now. It's my no.1, top priority game.

Sweet Rina!

Today we needed a cute little girl for an eating ice-cream scene. Thanks to A.n.t.h.e.a who managed to get hold of her sweet niece to help us. The moment she appeared, all the guys went 'awwwww' cause she's a real sweet thing in person.





And the moment she got hold of the ice-cream, she just chomped into it immeadiately. HAHA! Anthea says it's what she does best. Ed thinks highly of her though, and feels that she's a real natural when it comes to listening to directions . What a star!




Rina and her ice-cream.

Yum Cakes!

After a mad rush a month back in collecting tickets for the shoot, i decided to reward myself with a nice chocolate cake from Secret Recipe. If you buy a cake from Secret Recipe in Malaysia it's the same price her, so it's like getting them at half price!! And they have WAAAAAAAAyyyyyyy more choices than here.



Then just now, Carol and i went to eat ice-cream! Yum! Well, it looks like a cake, so that's why i'm putting it here.



Happy Carol

Some excitement to pass the time

Here's what Ed and I saw on the train home. At first, we're thinking he's proably a crazy person.






And then when he finally woke up at Bedok, and looked around dazed and got off at the next stop, i think it's probably cause when he took the train from the west , he didn't expect it to be this full when it reached the east side.

Heart Attack All Over Again

This morning was just ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I wonder if the dream i had this morning was a sign of things to come. Of course, i don't really believe in signs and all.

I seem to always screw up when it comes to Air Tickets or Airports (like getting lost in them) Sigh. I just don't want any more problems to happen anymore. I really felt super stupid for all the mistakes i made, but everyone else at work was really nice about it. Well, i did pray for God to help me gain experience and learn much, and i guess the only way to learn is to make mistakes right? So be careful what you pray for!

I'll be flying off 4th - 7th June and again on 17th -20th June . Then, i'll be wondering about where i'm going to work next. Well, i hope God opens some doors.
Before that, a short holiday!

Stress is a good way to diet!

I'm actually happy that i'm in the office right now during lunch break. Today for the first time, i didn't feel hungry, even though i didn't eat breakfast. Well, now i'm having a hot milo and 3 cookies, just for the sake of it, though i know that Mr Ed would not be smiling in knowing i didn't eat lunch today. I wonder how long i can endure it though!

This morning i woke up with much on my mind. Alot had to do with work, some had to do with my parents being away to KL and somehow i felt sad. I guess it's really nothing to be sad about. Anyway, work is part of the reason why i'm in during lunch. I've been trying to get whole of an air ticketing lady and she's not picking up. On top of that, i just learnt that there's some changes in ticketing cause i have an additional person to account for. And put that along with the fact that i have to pay in cash by 2pm tomorrow or, they release the tickets just annoys me, because i believe it is partly my fault that there were certain things i didn't plan for . Ah well, we all learn right? And i suppose not eating lunch is punishment enough?

Did you read about the 23 year old girl who died from over-working? That was quite sad. Sometimes i wonder if society has made us that way. That money, no matter our intentions, is the most important thing to survive. To be happy. To make us feel secure. I would like to live in a world, where work isn't what's driving us. It is merely a tool to help us use our time, to learn from, and to earn from.

That being said, i hope things turn out well in the end. I think , most things do.

Take a deep breath.

One word : huh?
Mood : a mix of :) and perplexity.

Speaking Up

I think 70% of arguements, or conflicts are easily resolved by just speaking up. I think it's also one of the hardest things to do. Imagine, stating your side of the story, while repressing any negative feelings towards the person you're pissed with. That's gotta take a huge amount of control not to scream or be sarcastic in that person's face.

I guess the next best thing is waiting for a while, or just telling that person how you feel at a later time. And then everyone will be happier i suppose.

My mood right now : ARGH

But it's not because of what i've just said about speaking up. It's because of work that HAS to come up at the end of the day, just when i'm about to leave. Oh well.

Patience.

It is a virtue i need to keep building up.

There has been friction lately, and i don't know if the problem is me.
And sometimes i just wish i could disappear all of a sudden. Poof.

Thought for the day

This came to me when i woke up this morning :

Christianity isn't so much the forgiveness of sin, but the denial of it.

Sometimes i don't think it is really about God forgiving our sins , but a reminder of everything wrong that i do; each wrong choice, each wrong word, the wrong occupation etc. I don't need to go to church to tell me i'm a sinner. I feel that all the time. I want to go to church, so i can learn a thing or two about God. I want to learn something different. I don't want to sit in a message that preaches about something that i can just read at home.

Between a rock and a high place

I've been thinking a lot on how i would run a production company if i had one.

In that optimistic day-dreaming mind, i picture myself taking on projects, and getting friends to crew, just so they would have more jobs. I picture being able to pay them realistically ( and perhaps more than usual once in a while) and paying them on time, perhaps 2 weeks after the shoot, or even immediately after. This dream would only work if i had plenty of cash to start with. Surely a huge pool of funds is needed in order to not only pay off your crew, but also your rent, bills, transport, post-pro and any contract staff you might have. I'm sure alot of other costs are not included as well.

I used to think that production companies should have some back-up funds, just in case money from the clients don't come in on time so they can use that resource to pay the freelance crew. But when a colleague pointed out that it wasn't so simple, i began to re-think my perception on the few bigger production houses here. I've learnt that every house (pun intended) has it's problems. ( wait, is that translated from the chinese proverb?) No matter how reknowned and reputable you are, there's always a problem there somewhere. I feel while it's hard getting a good reputation as a production company, it's harder keeping up appearances. Everything you do, will be picked at, because everyone's watching. All it takes is for word to get around, and it's enough to make you have to build up your rep, all over again.

I've learnt alot from my job so far, and i must say, i really respect some of the people i work with. Their tolerance level is just amazing, and i'm sure it has a lot to do with all the productions/ projects they've worked on over the years. Most of them hadn't gone over to the 'dark side' of production yet. I must say, there's alot to think of when you run a production company, and sometimes, you can't be 'nice' because like a family, you need to think of those under your wing first.

Cute!

Having time on my hands, i was browsing through some pics, and found a cute one of a polar bear.




And another one!



And this cat looks like it's trying to pick its nose with it's tongue! WAHAHAHHAHAHA!

Happy Time with Sweet Pea.

I've finally gotten down to meeting Fatimah and her sweetest pea!


Dear Cutie Aliyah!!

And another good piece of news! Fatimah's expecting! She hopes it's a boy.

I thought that the sweet pea would have forgotten me , but she didn't, and i'm glad. She's a sweet!

And yes, as you can see from the picture, we had MacDonald's for dinner. I don't feel so fantastic after though. Like, i don't think i should even sleep after what i ate. Sigh :(

Cool Tee

Cool tee from Carol!

I can say i'm happy. now.

I feel happy now.

I think it's the knowledge of many things i used to wonder about. I know that God is good to me, in many aspects of my life. I know that it's tough being in a place where you are perceived differently because of the choices you've made, but i think i'll be ok. I've learnt that its difficult to tell the difference between what is right, and what is taught as right. The only being you can only trust is God because He doesn't get influenced.

I used to think that you can see God's love through a person who practises it, but i've learnt that He is the best example of it. I think of all the times He's been patient with me, and forgiving, and how He listens to my prayers still, and doesn't punish me by refusing to listen . That is God's goodness, his patience, his mercy. It's pretty inspiring . God could kill me at any time, perhaps when life's the best for me, or i feel like i'm at my happiest, God could choose to take me away. But He preserves each second of my life, and the next second after the last one has past, because He wants to.

I envy how people can so freely boast of their love for their gf/bfs, and i wonder why i don't. I don't want to boast about it , because love isn't that way. But i'll say it when i really want to. I'm glad i have Ed in my life.

The time is now.

There comes a time where you can't help but wonder if change will happen, whether you are as important as you think you are in your placement in this world, and if you can live with the choices you make.

The wind of change

I'm coming down with something, probably the flu. I've been trying to curb it since Sat, since Pizza from the hut caused a sore throat and broke down the first defences of my imunune system. Maybe it was just unhealthy eating for too long, and i'm facing the consequences.

I'm excited about the new macbook i bought recently, and also getting to finally decorate my room. Imagine! At 25, finally having my own room to decorate! Old furniture out, stuff from Ikea in! My phone is falling apart, and i'm thinking perhaps it's time to get a new one too. In case anyone thinks i'm a spend thrift, i'm not! It's just things i've been putting off for too long, and i finally can afford to take out some money to do it. Thank God for work. And thank God for putting me in a good company to learn from.

To sleep, to sleep

I've never felt so sleepy this early before. May God allow me a good rest tonight, and that the March kampong life projects can be settled completely soon. I just want to be free to do stuff, like decide how to re-do my bedroom now that there is opportunity to do so, and also to maybe think of getting a few new gadgets too. I don't think i'm being frivolous in getting that, but it would be something i can use in the long run. I shall pray that God helps me financially. Maybe it's bad to pray about money, but i really hope my parents can finally take a breather. Sometimes i wish there was an instant solution to the problem, but i doubt God works that way. I feel that because one is a Christian, somehow life is always harder for that individual.

Smile like you mean it

In two days i'll be in Chiang Mai for a shoot till Saturday evening.
One of the kids that is suppose to fly for my project , might not go because of some family situation.

Which means i have 1 day to solve the problem.
Which also means i have to deal with breaking the news to the big boss.

The sound ' ARGH ' echos in my head, and all Durai can say is : Just smile Jayne.

Thankful Thursday

I guess alot of you have been saying a prayer for me now and then. Things at work has been a lot better now with the crazy scheduling of the shoots,that will be starting this Saturday.I believe that prayer helps in ways that nothing else can.


I'm happy for many reasons, and i have God to thank for that.

I bought some cheap new books yesterday at the price of $6, $3 and $1. $1! Can you imagine that?! I hope it's good though. I buy books based on the title, and look of the book, it's genre and then what the little synopsis says at the back. I hope i'm not cheated and it turns out to be lousy stories. The book i'm reading now is called, The Language of Goodbye. It seems to be alright so far.

Also i'm thinking of getting a new phone! I need one cause mine keeps shutting off. Oh well, we'll see. I can't decide between a 6233 or a E65. But i don't like slide phones. The question really is, can i wait till June to get a really good phone, or do i get one now, so that i can use it in Thailand for the shoot?

Discouraged.

1.26 am. I just read an email from the co-ordinator i'm working with. It was harsh and sounded like he was angry with me. Perhaps i shouldn't take it personally. Perhaps i should understand that he's reacting the way he is because we've cancelled on him before. And there isn't money for the project. It seems money caused us plenty of problems. Honestly, i hope the project doesn't take off. It's just making too many people unhappy.

I feel discouraged. I think it's mighty stupid shedding tears over a project i shouldn't even care two hoots about. Maybe the problem is i care too much about it. And it sucks that i have to go back to the office to help out tmr. It means not taking a break from work. Then i have to go mark books . The marking can be done by any of the teachers who can make the extra effort to come down to church half an hour before. Honestly, i see no purpose in me, just going down to mark books, other than the fact that they're just trying to cling on to me in some way, without discouraging me totally now that i can't teach. Too late. It happened the moment i couldn't. But now i've decided that though i miss it (teaching), i don't want to be a part of it anymore. I don't think i'll ever be part of it anymore.

You can see it any way you want, whether you think it's because my priorities are wrong but honestly, i don't care how you judge me, or think. Your thoughts do not matter to me at all.

I just want to sleep.

Snowball

If anyone's a Christian out there, and reads this, please pray for me. Perhaps its because i worry too much, or perhaps i'm really realising the amount of uncertainty with the upcoming shoots i have to get in place.

I have 5 more days to plan 4 shoots, and either naivety, optimism, or plain denial is keeping me hopeful. As always it is the calm before the storm, and i understand why stock brokers get paid so much. Producing is just like that. Always watching,and waiting for something to happen and to resolve it before it explodes in your face.

We need a miracle. SOON.

Smile , it's all going to be ok.

These 2 weeks will be the busiest time so far. I know it's just creeping up on me, and with so much not in place for the shoot, i am concerned that by the time i realize it , i won't be able to handle it. There's so much uncertainty , and with only days left to settle everything, it will take a miracle, and God's help in scheduling.

I know people in my inner circle of friends and loved ones are going through tough times as well. The best solution is to leave it in the hands of a higher power, when all we can do isn't enough. It reminds me i'm only human.

The coolest hairstyle!

Jo Jo did the coolest hairstyle ever! It's like the hairstyle i always coveted, but can never do it cause my hair texture can't take it. So i'm glad she did it cause i like looking at it. ( and continuing to covet it)

HAHHAHAHAAHHAA.





I love the dye job too! I think hair really makes a person because you can look so different! Now Jo Jo is funky gal!

Friendship Banquet

Carol and I went down to help decorate the place for the Friendship Banquet. Thanks to Nicole, Eunice Tan, and Edison and some others too.

Here are some pictures of the ppl, but i forgot to take pics of the decorations.



Carol looking glam as usual.



Scared/Nervous/Feeling out of place



The Stripes.




Jennie checking out Glam Carol.

CNY Hairstyles!

Charmaine and me went to get our hair down at Kimage.





Haha. Well, i guess it didn't turn out the way we want it.

Hmm. I think... i think...

What do you believe? Do you believe in a theory? And what makes that theory true enough, that you would believe it? This is what i thought after a conversation today, and i felt a little down after that. My belief is based on as much facts and i can find to support it, but somehow it doesn't seem good enough. Of course , there are always doubts thrown in along the way, making you wonder. In fact, i have questions that i've never had answered before. But is it enough that the belief changed me from the inside out , such that essentially, the core of my being is still the same, even though the edges have frayed? Does that make my belief, good enough? Sufficient that i can say it is my truth?

And then when i got home, i just wished i had a quiet night, where the conversation was just between 2 people, and it was perhaps intercut with long pauses, and just silence, of just knowing there was someone else next to you, and that's enough. I feel like just closing my eyes, and falling asleep, but my hair's wet. I think i'll just sleep anyway.

Hee... :D

A pic of Ed .






Ed in a nose.





Macho Ed.

Familiar?

Saw this name card with a familiar chinese name. Guess who?

Adjustment Phase

You know how you miss a friend, relative, person, and then you don't see them for sometime, and you get used to it? And then you see them again ,and you're all excited and then, its as if you're back to square one again, and when they don't meet up as often, you get into the initial adjustment phase of trying not to be missing them, and just carrying on with life as if they weren't there. Why is it, the time you need to speak to someone, or just have someone to listen, no one is there? The feeling sucks, but perhaps its just God's way of telling you to deal with it on your own.

I think i need to do that. Just, not care too much, or just learn to be on my own all over again. I think finding the balancing point is hard, but i'll find it eventually.

Results.

Oh, i said i was taking the Advance Theory test for driving today right?

I passed! YAY!


I think i would have failed, but i went back to check the answers i selected again, and changed quite a bit. Thank God i did that.

Feast and Fun!

Poor Charmaine waited for ma at least an hour tonight. Sorry girl!

To ask for her forgiveness, we went to Billy Bombers ( my treat), and we shared our meal but it was still too much!!








And then we went for Neo Prints! Hmm...i don't believe we've taken one before...

Example of one of the pics :



And another one :



Fun! I like hanging out with Charmaine. Sorta forgot what it was like, since we hardly go out. I never feel like i have to worry about how she feels or if my expression (sad, sian, annoyed) bothers her. I can be myself, and be honest and not have to worry about being nice all the time.

Advanced Theory!

Tomorrow at around 11.20 am, my life would change. Hopefully in a good way. But technically, life changes every second, because life is a constant state of motion. In any case, i hope i pass.

I've failed once before with the advanced theory test. I gotta pass this time! Imagine going all the way down again to take it...sigh.

Alright, the results will be announced tmr! ( Like anyone bothers...)

Out with Dad

Today i went out with my dad to Sim Lim. I guess, i was free in the afternoon, and my dad wanted to go there. So we went and we got a monitor for the PC outside.

The outing just made me think about many issues.

Work
Money ( wondering if i'll ever save enough)
Not spending as much time with Dad
Fear


I don't think i've really spent any time with my dad. The times spent with him are probably times when we go meet mum for breakfast after her night shift, or dinner after her work/his work. Or when i come back from work, and maybe had a hard day, and complain to him from the toliet as i shower, while he watches tv outside. It's just been very long since i even went out with him.

Also, today i felt sorta lost. I felt like i should go some place where it's quiet, just to think, but i had no one to go with. There were people i smsed, and some i considered asking, but figured they most probably would be out with their bfs. Then, on the way home, my dad said to me .

" When i woke up i thought to myself, your mum went off for work, already, and you probably went for church, so i'm all alone at home. Then i saw you coming in to use the toilet, and i thought, oh, so i'm not alone at home."

I understand how my dad feels.. I mean, maybe we don't feel the same way, but it's under the same catergory of loneliness. My dad probably felt that way every Sunday, or any other day when he wakes up to go to work, perhaps at a later shift time, and there's no one around. Just for one day i'm home on a weekend, and i'm trying to find ways to get out of the house, just so i can go out and not FEEL like i'm not doing anything, or alone.

And then he thanked me for spending the day with him. That's ridiculous! Since when do parents need to thank their children for spending time with them?

Right now, work and money is on my mind, i just want to be able to save enough so that they can stop working soon, and spend some time together. That's another thing i realised. Work really takes up A LOT of time from relationships. 9-6 pm is the average time one spends at work, and then what? Dinner at 7, Perhaps at 9 pm you head home get ready, and then it's time for bed at 11pm? Or perhaps you spend another hour or two infront of the TV. That's like 2-3 hours of interaction with the family. If you take away that time, and spend it with friends, or even a boyfriend/girlfriend, then there's no time at all you can spend with your family.

I want time. I want money too. But i don't think i can get both. Unless i win the lottery.

Trusting.

What is your idea of God? I think it's one thing hearing what's being preached, and another finding out on your own. Perhaps God speaks to each of us individually because we are after all very complex. I do not believe that God created a bunch of robots to do what He wants for the sake of that. It has alot to do with doing what God wants, because we want to do that. So unless there is a heart change, i don't think anything we do is what God would want either.

I've learnt recently that it is important to have a constant conversation with God. I think the easy way out usually would be to just stop talking to God ; stop asking Him for help, stop praying. I think most people feel that it is very laborious and a 'religious' thing to do. But it isn't that way really. It's like the best friend you talk to , or keep in touch with, or the colleague at work you're close with. It's not so much laborious but really more of a comfort. I think conversation with God does not have to be just prayer, or giving praises. It also involves telling him your worries, or just thinking and sharing thoughts with Him. You know, there is no one else in the world that can understand you totally for the choices you make and why you would see things a certain way. It is tiring to explain your frustrations to people at times, and sometimes all you want is someone to listen, and not give solutions at all. So i'm glad that God's that way, that He listens when you need peace and quiet, and the solutions always come at the right time.

Ok, why am i talking about this? I'm really wondering about trust in God. Ed's away for another week, and i'm putting my trust in God that he will protect Ed on the trip. I'm always the 'worst-case-scenario' girl and so thoughts of unpleasant outcomes cross my mind often enough. Perhaps i'm not trusting God? But trusting God does not mean that it is a guarantee that Ed will be safe. Trusting God means that you trust that God does what's best, and that whatever outcome it is, God will give you the strength to deal with it. That is what's kind of hard for me right now, because i would rather go with the guarantee that Ed WILL be safe. Right now i'll go with the next best option, which is to pray about it.

Can't wait for Ed to get back.

Mini-est Meatball!

It's the Mini-est Meatball in congee ever!

It's a softie!

This is a soya bean cake they sold at a bakery. Been seeing those things lately and decided to try one out. It's O-K only.

What matters.

I have good parents. I think they're really cool in the sense that they respect me and my siblings, and in so many ways, when i see friends around me who can't talk to their parents about problems they have, i feel thankful for having sane, cooler parents. I miss my brothers (they're in US) and i respect them both because i love them both. I think respect comes from love, and i respect my parents a lot, that i would rather not say/ask certain things, because i don't want to hurt them because i love them. I don't care what anyone says about the choices i make, and why i make them. The same reason why i choose to love who i want, and wear the clothes i like, and eat the food i love, because i have some respect for myself and the choices i make are mine.

My parents matter to me.
My family matters to me.
My brothers matter to me.
My boyfriend matters to me.
My good (& rare) friends matter to me.

Status Symbols

Read a 1999 issue of Colors Magazine. The theme of the magazine is Status Symbols, and here is an extract of it.


Real 'status' never consists of what is , but only and exclusively of what seems- to possess more, to present yourself in a certain way, in order to be recognized. The pope in plain clothes is no longer the pope.

In this permanent simulation of reality, where everybody wants to seem to be something they are not, it is still goods that dictate laws. It is only what we consume that makes the difference between classes, and even within the same class. The search for diversity is simply a race to possess the same objects in order to feel equal , or different objects in order to keep others at a distance. But it is always the law of supply and demand that directs us to status symbols. The pope robbed of the ring and the other symbols of his status, would no longer be recognized. He would be abandoned, lonely and anonymous, to his destiny as a human.

Names Names

I watched Gladiator yesterday and it's such a moving show. So, i decided to find a Roman name for the fun of it.

My Roman name is Aemilia Marcellina.
Take The Roman Name Generator today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

And

My japanese name is 猿渡 Saruwatari (monkey on a crossing bridge) ?? Aiko (child of the morning sun).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

Also, this is a good link for script writers who want to generate character names. Happened to stumble upon it.

http://www.kleimo.com/random/name.cfm

Sigh.

Hai.

That's all i feel right now. A big SIGH. I hope things are not going back to the way it used to be , because i didn't like it then. And all of a sudden, i wish i could fly away. But i can't take leave. ARGH.

Look again.

Song in my Head

Oh no. A song is stuck in my head. It's The Yeah Yeah Yeah Song.



If you could blow up the world
with the flick of a switch
Would you do it?
(Yeah x14)
If you could make everybody poor
just so you could be rich
Would you do it?
(Yeah x14)
If you could watch everybody work
while you just lay on your back
Would you do it?
(Yeah x14)
If you could take all the love
without giving any back
Would you do it?
(Yeah x14)
And so we cannot know ourselves
or what we'd really do...

With all your power
With all your power
With all your power
What would you do?

If you could make your own money
and then give it to everybody
Would you do it?
(No x14)
If you knew all the answers
and could give it to the masses
Would you do it?
No No No No No No Are you crazy?
It's a very dangerous thing
to do exactly what you want...
Because you cannot know yourself
or what you'd really do...

With all your power
With all your power
With all your power
What would you do?

It's a New Year.

I'm sure most people had a long weekend. I know i did, and i'm very thankful for it. I think the week of Christmas to the New Year has been the best holiday period ever. I was able to spend it with the people who are important to me, and much time with Ed too. It's amazing this period of time, and i had hoped that the last few days of the long weekend, would be as long as i can drag it. Today's the last day of the holidays for now, and i feel a little sad about it. Tomorrow it's back to work, and i'm sure everyone's sian about it. But not to worry! Let's not see the new year as a super boring routine of work again, but it's 2007! Let's start the year with a new found hope of a better everything. Like, better jobs ahead, money, health, joy,etc. Also i was on the way back and was thinking about situations, and you know, i wish and want for every wonderful single person know, that they find love this year. And that everyone will be happy. People should be happy! A dose of happy for the whole world!

Happy New Year!!

Hi one and all , its new year's eve!!

Today though i thought they would charge an extra dollar or two for eve of holiday taking cab but none! YAY!

2006 in the beginning was unsure, but picked up along the way. And so much happened, and overall it was good . Anyway a Happy New Year to one and all! May 2007 be filled with more happiness, and goodness for everyone!

Merry Christmas one and all!

Dear World Out There,

Merry Christmas to you ! Every single person on the face of the earth! Let's all be happy this day! Last night, and today feels like a dream. I wish the night was longer as the day tends to fade away quickly. Sigh. IF only we didn't have to go back to work on the 26th. But, that's life. May today be a longer day!

Merry Christmas!!!

I'm back, and it feels great.

Was in Chiang Mai the past few days for a shoot, and boy am i glad to be home.Living in the Kampong really makes one appreciate the little things in life. I'm not sure if the 4 kids that went along , leartn anything or became thankful, but i know i sure did.

1) I appreciate a hot shower much more now. The water is freezing cold in the village, and though it's spring water, it doesn't help make the temperature of an acceptable range.

2) I appreciate electricity more. There are not lights, except for candlelight, and u know, it's scarey the limited range the candlelight can give. I got scared, holding a candle, and i couldn't see the toilet/shower shed, and it was right in front of me. I kept walking in circles, and i think i nearly walked right off into the lake, but just circled back again.

3) I appreciate having my own room. Living in the same room as 4 kids isn't too fun. Firstly, you will wake up in the middle of the night because they need to go to the loo, or they have a nightmare, or leg cramps, or they make weird wimpering noises, and it really makes you wonder if they are alright. I missed my privacy, and was super glad to get it back. Honestly, the first night there, i wonder how i was going to endure 4 more episodes of that.

4) I appreiciate warm weather more. I love the cold, but this period is not making me happy at all. It's too cold. In fact i'm getting annoyed at the weather. U know it got so cold in Chiang Mai,that i couldn't sleep. Tip of the day : Wear gloves, and socks to sleep because that's how your heat escapes. And true enough, the second day i wore socks and i felt so much better.

5) I want to be a Chiang Mai village kid too. Life is so simple, they survive on enough. They do not aim to have more, there is no insane desire to get as much money as they can. The kids are allowed to be kids. Sure they go to school too but there is no pressure at all. No one tells u that, just because you're not as good as the rest, you're lesser of a person in society.

I'm glad to see Ed again too.

Ok i'm sleepy. And feeling sick too. Guess the trip has worn me down a little.

Ah well. Just grin and bear it.

I got scolded by the Thai PM indirectly!

By PM i mean Production Manager. Am working on an overseas shoot that does not seem to be executed as well as it should have. The producer really made an effort to push things along, and it's the best we can do for the situation at hand.

Actually, i guess it was cause the PM was really frustrated about having to pay so much upfront, and not being paid back. I understand his frustrations. I would have just asked about the amount and gave him what he spent so working relations will be better on set. But what can i do about it? I guess the project was in a mess when the last producer just took off. We should be thankful that the nice Thai PM still wanted to help us.

I guess someone had to shield away the darts. I think i make a pretty ok one.

Merry Christmas : Joyeux Noël

That's the name of the soundtrack i got today. It's a really good movie i had caught earlier this year. It's about the true account of Christmas 1914 where instead of fighting the war, enemies got together and celebrated Christmas instead.



Today i decided to go get a Christmas card for my brother. And so i walked down Orchard road, and there were plenty of people as usual. I didn't get a card in the end. I couldn't find anything nice.

Then i kept walking down, and my mood initially was up, but soon i began to feel a little sad. I think it didn't help that there were so many people, and i guess it's always the case, that you feel less alone when you're in less of a crowd. I started wondering if i would have felt better if i had a friend with me. If all the shopping and materialism would appear less disgusting. You know, i think it would have. I've decided that i don't think i'll go down to Orchard Road on Christmas Day. It used to be a yearly routine to just drive through it and see the lights. I think i'll probably go spend it at the beach.

Christmas. I want a real Christmas this year.

Dear Baby Girl

Sweet pea Aliyah got warded a few days back for high fever. 40 Deg. I think it's amazing how children can tolerate high temperatures and still seem fine. Heard from Fatimah that she was still moving around normally and all, but just having a high temp.






But she's out now ! Get Well Soon!

:...(

I think if i could describe a face for my mood now, it would be ronald macdonald looking really sad and a tear sliding down his face. Yes. A sad clown.

I am really going to need a miracle to make the shoot work. God is really testing my faith, and when you've done all you can, all you can do is wait and see.

Hmm. Take a huge breath.

I feel like a deflated balloon.
Can't wait to just lie down and not think.

The calm before the storm

Today seemed to just fly by, especially once it hit 3pm. A huge problem came up, and i had to find options and then Carol tagged me saying ' One more hour to go! ' . We were counting down to the time we have left at work.

I told myself i wasn't going to bring work home, but it seems today i finally did that. Now that some things are sorted out, i'm calm all over again. At least there are still options . I can still be thankful for that. I hope a miracle comes along soon. Or at least some other solution.

I can't believe it, but i'm flying off next Friday. Time is passing by, and i hope things get sorted out soon. Am looking forward to when i get back from the trip. Yum!

Everything will be alright.

I keep reminding myself of that these days.

Everything will be alright,
everything will be alright
everything will be alright
everything will be alright.

I think my fear has to be bigger than God, that's why i worry in the first place.

I think i'll be ok soon.